Daddy

Yesterday, Friday, July 18th was the fourth anniversary of my father's unexpected passing. Each year I drive home to have lunch with my mom and then we go to the cemetery to visit daddy. The first year was the hardest, I think we spend three hours there. This year it was about 30 minutes. That sounds bad, doesn't it? I suppose over the years it gets easier in some way. I mean I still think about my dad at least once a day. This year Susanna came too since it was on a Friday so we just stayed the weekend. Susanna and I bought four Gerber daisies to place on daddy's stone. She knows that she has a Grandpa Jim. I told her on the way that we were going to visit Grandpa Jim. I had a lot of questions to answer after that. This was not the first time she has been to the cemetery but the first time she kept asking where is he. When we got to the cemetery she asked if he was hiding. How do you explain this to a four year old? I tried the best I could that Grandpa Jim was in heaven looking down on us but that we could not see him and this is where we come to visit. After awhile I think she gave up and changed the subject. My dad passed away a month and a half after Susanna came home from the hospital in 2004. He was able to see her from the beginning and then see her home. I hurts me that he is not here to play with her and watch her grow up. He would call me every night while Susie was in the hospital to see how she was doing. He had to get his "nightly update" he would say. During her time in the NICU I would visit her by myself on Thursday nights while Larry worked. I would leave the hospital about 10-10:30pm and I would call my dad and talk to him all the way home. I miss having those conversation with him. We could talk for hours, imagine that, like father like daughter. LOL!